The Magic Talisman. 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS. 

^V* AUG 2 



BY GEORGE E. WALLER. 



l b 7 

['ATT x?r> / 



J V -I 

I I t 



PRICE TWENTY CENTS 



COPYRIGHT, 1894, BY GEORGE E. WALLER. 



Republican Print, Monticeixo, N. V. 



the magic talisman 

A Comedy in Four Acts 
By George E. Waller. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS: 

King Henry, A Self-Deposed Monarch. 
The Queen, His Loving Spouse. 
The Dutchess, Elderly Maiden Sister of the King. 
Squire, A (?) Titled Native of New Jersey. 
Wizard, A Dealer in Black Arts. 
VALET, The Faithful Servant of the King. 
Countrymen, Lords of Agricultural Departments, Soldiers, 
Criers. Postmen. &c. 

% __ 

SYNOPSIS OF PLAY 

ACT I. — Scene 1. — Roadside near Hoboken, X. .J.. I*. S. A. 
Arrival of King and Suite. The Giving of the Magic Talisma q. 
The Talisman is Lost. 

ACT II. — Scene I. — Farm House of King Henry. Recep- 
tion Room. The King Meets a Bull. How about that Charm. 
The Squire in Hot Water. The Court Assembles. TheSquire's 

Life in Danger. 

ACT III. — Farm House Kitchen. Why Does the Talisman 

Fail? Tile Riddle. Alas Tis Forgotten! Isabella Hidden. 
The King and the Jersey Lightning. The King Waxes Pen- 
sive. A Peculiar Fiddle. 

ACT IV.— Drawing Room. The Last Merry Night. The 
Squire Proposes. Music. Isabella Produced. TheSquire Re- 
peats the Magic Words. The Talisman Discovered. Happy 
Ending. 



*) .."V 






ACT I. 

Scene I. — Roadside in the vicinity of Hoboken, N. J., U. S. A. 
Two Countrymen in Conversation. 

1st C. Well, Tom, if it isn't you. Where have you been keep- 
ing yourself lately? 

2d C. I have been to the city visiting Uncle Bill for the last 
three weeks. 

1st C. I suppose you have had a big time ? 

2d C. You'd better bet I've had. I've been to see nearly every 
theatre in the city, attended six different churches, 
was up in the statue of Liberty, got roped in twice 
by bunco men, got converted in the Salvation Army, 
saw four fires and saw a thundering big horse with 
eight legs and two heads in a dime museum, got rim 
over by a truck, fell down an air hole in the walk, 
attended three political meetings, was — 

1st C. There, never mind the rest; you must have enjoyed 
yourself every minute? 

2d C. I did. I got up in the top of the World building, cross- 
ed the Brooklyn Bridge, rode fifty-three times in the 
elevated cars, and then — 

1st C. There, cut it short. What's the matter with your ear? 



(8.) 

2d ('. O! I was riding around in the cable cars on Broadway 
street, i got in a car one night, right behind the 

da rudest dude you ever saw. The blamed car started 
so sudden that before ! could sit down, I fell back ker 
flop on the dude and his cane and my ear had a col- 
lision. It broke the cane and that dude was awful 
mad. He called me a big hayseed, and when I asked 
him if his mama often let him go so far away from 
home alone, all the 1 people in the car laughed at him 
and he got up and off. He left part of his cane, 
and T picked it up and started to give it to him. The 
car started off like a shot again, and I fell down flat, 
and the piece of the cane flew and skinned a fat man's 
nose. Then I got off and began to look in the win- 
dows, till a policeman told me to light out of there. 
Then I went — 

1st ( J. Hold on and wait for your breath to catch up with voir 
Have you heard the news? 

2d C. How could I hear any news in New York? 

1st C. Well, there's lots of news that will interest you. 

2d C. What it is? I heard a fellow in New York say that. 
It's the latest. 

1st { \ Smith's farm has been sold to the funniest people you 
ever saw. Two of them have been here, but have 
gone away again. 

2d C. Who are they? 

1st C. Its hard to tell. It is reported that the owner of the 
farm is a king, and that he has two wives, and that 
an old wrinkled magician is with them. Then 
there are about ten others. 

2d ('. Where are they from? 

1st ('. Nobody knows. Everybody has been trying to find 
out but they have not been able to as yet. 

2d ( '. When arc they to c<>mc here? 

IstC. 1 heard they were due here to-day. I am going up 
around the Smith place to see them move in. 



(4.) 

2d ( 1. Well, I must go over to the post office to see if I have 

any mail. Going along? 
1st C. Yes, guess I will. (Exeunt.) 

Enter Valet with wheelbarrow piled up with boxes, ccc. Up- 
sets in middle of stage and everything falls out. V. starts 
to pick up the wreck and speaks. 

V. Well, there is no accounting for tastes. What will ever 
come of this I can't tell. Good King Henry, and the 
sun never shone on a nobler monarch, was informed 
less than a month ago that his subjects were dissatis- 
fied with his reign, and were plotting his overthrow. 
Now he is nothing if not obliging. As soon as he learn- 
ed of the attempt, he immediately surrendered his 
throne, and sent an agent to America, and bought a 
farm in New Jersey. We, I and the rest, his faithful 
subjects have followed him here, but I wonder what 
the people will say when they see him. He, and all, 
left the Isle of Content where we have lived so happily, 
and are here. I am the advance guard. The King says 
Ave must economize, so I suppose we must — that's why 
I have this vehicle, instead of a coach; but it will be 
hard to do it. Well, now forward for the mansion pur- 
chased from Smith. 

Four postmen enter with chair carrying K., Q. and D. 

King. Halt. 

Postmen stop. 

K. I don't Avish to lecture you, but it has just come into my 
head that you are moving remarkably sIoav. Noav Avhat 
I wish to remark is this, I Avould be infinitely obliged if 
you Avould move faster. Being A^ery quick myself, J 
AA T ish to see others so. Noav travel. 

Postmen move fast and exit. Enter and fall. Chair wrecked. 
King and Queen step out. 



(5.) 

King. There, that ends our chariot. I always thought it 
would come to some untimely end ever since my 
great-grand-father allowed his uncle to go to a dance 
in it. However, I've no further use for it. so I may 
as well give it a farewell kick. 

Kicks and hits Dutchess in stomach. D. shrieks. Is assisted 
from chair by Queen. 

Queen. Henry, I bid you be calm. Your Crown is dented and 
your Scepter is broken. It is a significant fact: We 
shall never reign again. 

King. I guess we rained' down enough just then to last awhile. 

Queen. Here are the remains of my life-long devotion. 

(Draws out Cat.) 
Here is poor, murdered Isabella, slain by your cruel 
hand. 

King. I think it was my cruel crown that caused the death of 
Isabella, If I was certain that my crown had been 
dented by that cat — 

Queen. Cease? Your cruel arts can no longer avail against Isa- 
bella. She is at rest. 

King. "Rest quiet cat in pace." 

Queen. I'll have her stuffed and will care for her just the same. 

King. Ethel, dear, are you mortally injured? 

Ethel. No, Henry, I have survived the blow, and feel easy. 

King. That woman has a tough stomach. 

Enter Valet with wheelbarrow. 

King. The Queen and Dutchess— she looks dutch— must be 

conveyed to the pal I mean the farm. See to it 

that they are given the means. 

Women try to ride. 

King. 1 think I'll walk. 

Women are at last carried off. K. and V. remain. 



(6.) 

King. Faithful Clinton, Doe'st see the Wizard approach? 

Valet. He comes apace, your majesty. 

King. A terribly slow pace, Clinton. 

Valet. He will be here presently, your highness. 

King. If he doesn't get here presently, he'll find me here ab- 
sently. 

Valet. The Wizard approaches. 

King. Then leave me. Stay! Tell the Queen to have fried 
onions for supper. I'm out of the king business now, 
and mean to enjoy life. 

Enter Wizard. 

Wizard. Greeting, most noble King. 

King. Tommy, we are in New Jersey now, and must do as the 
New Jerseyites do. Yesterday, while in Hoboken, 
I heard a man gi ve a salutation that sounded like 
Begates. Give m e that and do not fall at my feet 
hereafter. 
Wizard. Your feet, big eights, your majesty. 
King. That is most excellent. Now your errand? 
Wizard. I have procured the magic talisman of our native 
country, which will protect you from harm, while 
you are in a strange land. It is proof against all 
the harms and ills which may befall you. 
King. Will it protect me from Jersey mosquitoes? 
Wizard. Even them. Here is talisman; treasure it as you 
would your life. My wisdom hath gotten it for 
you. 
King, I am touched with great and heartfelt thanks, Tommy. 
Have you a quarter? 

Wizard gives King money. 

King. Here is your reward. In Hoboken it was good for 
eight quarts. 

Wizard. Big eights, your excellency. 



l/.J 

King. And now we will away to the ( 'as to the farm. 

K. sees eat and pieks it up. Cat in one hand talisman in the 
other. Cat held up by its ear. Enter Queen. 

Queen. O, I have forgotten Isabella. Where is she? Ah 
Henry, you are still persecuting that cat. Surrend- 
er her to me! 

King. My dear, I bid you be calm. Dead cats have less feel- 
ing in their ears than anywhere else. 

Queen. Jest not on such a mournful subject. 

K. holds cat out. Ear comes off. 

Queen. You monster! You brute! If you keep on, 1 can't 

have Isabella stuffed. 
King. Peace, my love. If Isabella has ear-i-sipilas, after 

this, it will only be on one side. 

Queen picks up cat. 

Queen. Give me that ear. 

K. gives talisman by mistake, and keeps ear. (Enter D. and V.) 

Queen. Clinton, take the mortal remains of Isabella, and have 

them stuffed, with cotton inside. 
King. Clinton, be careful of that ear, and have it stuffed 

with cotton inside. 
Queen. Clinton, have it stuffed it its most natural way. 
King. Clinton, tell the stuffer to leave out the yowl. 
King. Now I will put the talisman where it will be sate 

There, now we'll see if it works as Tommy says. 

Oh-h-h I've forgotten my violin. Bring it! get it! 

It's at the station. What-ho-ho-ho. 

Enter postmen. 

King. Go at once and get my violin. Tis death if you hurry 
not. 



(8.) 



Exit postmen. 



King. While we are waiting for my fiddle, suppose we call 
on that fellow going along there with that flap- jack, 
to stop and give us a little music. 

All call. Enter man with banjo. (Ten minutes intermission 

for music.) 
Enter postman with fiddle all broken to pieces. 

Postman. Here is your violin, sorr; and the baggage smasher 
do say sor, that a big trunk fell on it sorr, and 
smashed the divil out of it sor. 

King. I believe it for my mother told me so. 

King kicks at postman and upsets. 

CURTAIN. 




m 



ACT II. 

Scene T. — Reception Room. Enter Ethel, the Duchess. 

Ethel. This is an awful life and things keep going on t\orse 
and worse. The poor queen is working too hard for 
her health, and the king;, my brother, the king, he is 
too lazy to move, and seems to enjoy this thorough- 
ly. It's disgraceful I must declare, but there is one 
thing for which I must be happy. I've got an ardent 
and sincere admirer in the Squire. A real squire, in 
this land of no titles. They say he has been Justice 
of the Peace for live years. Well, I feel happy od 
the whole, so I won't grumble. A maiden of eigh- 
teen summers should be merry. Ha, Ha. (Exit.) 

Enter King. 

King. If she is only eighteen summers, they must have been 
passed at the north pole. 

Enter A Vizard. 

King. Tommy, how about this charm? Everything seems 
to go wrong. I guess it's working the wrong way. 
Wizard. That, your majesty, is a thing that has puzzled me 
more than a little. The charm was all right, that 
I know. How it is that the signs have failed, is a 
thing I cannot yet find out. 
King. If it's all right, Tommy, why should that bull I bought 
have chased me and butted me over the fence? And 
why, when I lit, did 1 land in a mud puddle? It tore 
my best pants nearly off of me, Tommy, and split 
my vest all up the back. 1 haven't got the mud quite 
out of my ear yet, Tommy, and it happened day be- 
fore yesterday. 



(10.) 

Wizard. It is a funny thing your excellency; I'll find out the 
reason before long. 

King. If I should happen to be killed before you find out, 
Tommy, please send me on word. I'm very anxious 
to know why it has failed to work. 

Wizard. As you say, most worthy. 

King. Now I'll take a comfortable half hour before Court be- 
gins. 

Takes big pipe down, begins to smoke. (Exit K.) 

Knock. Repeat. Enter Squire. Tries on crown. Hangs up 
hat in place of crown. Enter Q. Squire dives under table. 
Queen holds up trowsers and vest. 

Queen. How fortunate that Henry was not killed. How un- 
fortunate for these trousers. I don't know what I 
can do with them. 

Squire peeps out and bangs crown on table. 

Queen. What was that? I thought I heard a noise. (Exam- 
ines.) Well, I must have been mistaken. Now I will 
start on these. Where will I start first? I have 
some red flannel from my old petticoat that will help 
me to patch this break. 

Begins to sew. Enter Ethel. 

Ethel. Well, my dear, are you trying to repair the trow — < — 

ha, ha. 
Queen. Yes I'm collecting the rents. How bright you look 

to-day. 
Ethel. Yes, I've great cause to be happy. I have met a lovely 

and titled man, the squire of the village. 
Queen. Is he good looking. 

Ethel. He's handsome, and so gallant. I went to the store 
yesterday for a gallon of vinegar and he met me and 
insisted on carrying it home. 



(11.) 

Queen. How lovely. 

Ethel. (Looking- out). He promised to come over here this 
morning and play chess. I wonder what keeps him? 
Queen. He may he sick. 

Ethel. Oh, say not so. Were he ill I'd fly to him and nurse 
him. 

Squire again peeps out and humps crown. 

E. and Q. Oh-h-h! There is something uncanny in this room. 

Ethel. I believe there is some horrid monster concealed about 

here. 
Queen. Let's call guards and have the intruder put to death. 

Here comes the King, we'll tell him. 

E liter King and Pages, followed by courtiers. 

King. Now for our morning's work. I'm a little lame. I've 
just been down to the stable, and in behind the colt. 
I tickled his hind foot with a straw, and he raised 
me. Yeast wasn't in it. I was. When I tickle an- 
other colt with a straw, I'll tie a mattress to his foot. 

Takes table and drags to side of stage. Upsets Squire. 

What makes this pesky table move so hard ? I be- 
lieve it's glued to the floor. 

Pulls again and rights Squire. 

There, now its all right. I've hit upon a happy plan. 
I've been so used to reigning, that now each day 1 
hold Court and investigate the way things are going 
on on the farm. It's very nice and helps pass away 
the time. 

Pages bring in boxes and make throne on table for K. and Q. 
Enter All. 



(12.) 

Crier. Here ye! Here ye! Here ye! All manner of things 
which are in the dominion of King Henry, the 78th, 
now draw ye nigh, and give heed to the will and dis- 
position of the King! The Lord of the Poultry will 
approach. 

L. of P. Your majesty, I have a good day's record to present: 
The speckled hen has laid four eggs to-day. 

King. She has done well and should be rewarded. Allow her 
to lay four more to-morrow. 

L. of P. There are altogether 2 dozen eggs in the royal nests. 

King. Take them to ( ) and exchange them for 

peanuts. I'm very fond of peanuts. 

King. Stay! Has that white rooster laid any eggs yet? 

L. of P. No, your highness. 

King. Off with his head. I can't afford to keep useless stock. 

Exit L. of P, 

V. The Lord of the Cattle. 

L. of C. The cattle have done well, great king. The brindle 

cow had a calf last night. 
King. Good. Take the calf immediately to the depositor and 
have it take the oath of allegiance. 

L. of C. bows and starts. 

King. Stay! If it refuses, take it to ( ) and sell it for 

bob-veal. 

Crier. The Lord of the Stables. 

King. Well Peter, what report ? 

L. of S. Somp bloomin' ijit has been foolin' wid der colt, and 

made it so ugly, I can't go near it. If I find out who 

it is, I'll smash their nose. 
King. (Holding nose) You may go Peter, (aside) He's wors e 

than the colt. 
Crier. The Lord of the Onions. 
King. Are the onions ripe yet, Jim.? 
L. of 0. They have not come up yet, your excellency. 



(13;) 

King. Well, here's a pretty state of affairs. Planted four 
days ago, a"ftd not ripe yet. I had counted on 
having some fried for dinner. Secretary, what are 
onions v. orth a quart ? 

Secretary. Fifteen cents. 

King. Deduct that much from James' salary and get a quart. 

We can't have any slouches in our Kingdom, and I 

must have onions. 
Crier. The Lord of the Turkeys. 
L. of T. The big turkey had its head cut off by mistake this 

morning. 
King. H'm, that was the Queen's favorite turkey. Have it 

stuffed — with oyster stuffing and serve it for dinner. 
Secretary. The statement awaits your royal signature. 
King. Then I will adjust my crown and sign. 

Reaches for crown and gets Squire's hat. 

King. What ho ! My crown is gone ! Who hath replaced 
it with this? 'Tis death! (Claps hands; 4 soldiers 
enter with drawn swords.) Search out the thief and 
slay him. This indignity and shame to a monarch! 
Cut him in a thousand pieces. Hunt him out and 
be quick about it ! 

King and Queen arise and go to step down. Soldiers make 
lunges with swords under throne. Squire arises and upsets 
throne, K. & Q. and stands behind table holding crown. E. 
throws arms around Squire and protects him. 

CURTAIN. 



(14.) 



ACT III. 



Scene 2. — Farm House Kitchen. 
Opens and performs magic. 



Enter Wizard with a box. 



Wizard. I shall now try and find what is the cause of the tal- 
isman's failure. Since I gave it to good King Hen- 
ry, it has failed to work. That talisman too! The 
most potent in all our country. It was taken from 
the left ear of a yellow torn cat, with a white 
head, in a cave of bones, where the cat had gone to 
catch a three-legged mouse. The cat was killed 
with a bow and arrow by the seventh son of a. son- 
of-a-gun, and boiled with soft soap and sassafras 
by a witch for four and twenty days. The cat was 
well done and the ear was then cut off and its 
charm should never fail. 

Proceeds with magic. Enter Clinton, the Valet. 

Clinton. Ah, Wizard, busy with your incantations ? 

Wizard. Silence. 

Clinton. Where ? 

Wizard. Silence. 

Clinton. What are you trying to find out ? 

Wizard. Silence. 

Clinton. O, talk, will you ? What 

Clinton knocked down by unseen force. Starts to leave. 

Wizard. Stay, fear not, and cease to rave; 

We yet may good King Henry save. 
Clinton. I haven't time. I must go and get something for 

supper. 

Wizard. Remain. Go not. Right here thou stay, 
Or life the penalty will pay. 



(15.) 

Clinton. My mother has the measels. I must go and get the 
doctor. 

Wizard. 'Tis false, thy mother's long since dead. 
Remain, or death be on thy head. 

Clinton. I don't want to. I'm afraid. 

Wizard. Fear not. Approach. All will be right: 
And thou shall see a wondrous sight. 

Clinton advances trembling and assists Wizard. W. draws a 
circle. They step inside. W. performs incantations. 

Wizard. Move not now, and guard thy breath; 
To cross that line is courting death. 

Clinton shoves foot on circle and cries — "O! my toe!" 

Wizard. Have a care ! Ah, now attend, 
The master doeth its spirit send. 

Rumbling is heard accompanied by lightning. 

Wizard. Spirit of Might, now draw thee near, 
And tell us why the charm most dear, 
Hath failed to work ? We bid thee tell, 
Who wish our good King Henry well. 

Spirit appears and repeats "Thy message ?" 

Wizard. Why does the charm of the Rule of Three 
Fail in its work ? That answer me. 

Spirit. A riddle, a riddle, must answer thee. 

Wizard. The riddle ? 

Spirit. Isn't it funny that a black cat should have a white car? 

Spirit disappears. Lights. W. & C. step from circle. 

Wizard. And now, at last we have obtained 

The answer, and a big point gained; 

'Tis well. The riddle we wall bind, 

And keep it ever in our mind. 
Clinton. It has been answered very clearly. 



(10.) 

Wizard. It has not yet been fully told, 

But all the rest will soon unfold. 
Remember the saying, 'tis not a joke, 
Remember the words that the spirit spoke. 

Clinton. I do, it was: Isn't it a pretty good joke to see a tin 

ear on a torn cat? 
Wizard. No, you are w^rong. It was: Isn't it funny to see a 

white cat wag its ear? 
Clinton. No, Wizard; it w r as: Isn't it funny to see a black torn 

cat chew the ear of another? 
Wizard. No, Clinton, it w^as: AVouldn't a w T hite ear on the 

black rear — no — 
Clinton. It was a black rear — 

Wizard. Alas, alas, we've lost the words, 

The saying's gone to bees and birds. 
Our work counts naught, there is no one, 
So poor as we; undone! undone! 

Clinton. To recollect, we'll make a vow, 
That is the best we can do now. 

W's instruments are gathered up and box closed. Exit- 
Enter Q. and E. carrying a box. Box opened and Queen 
draws out cat. 

Queen. How beautiful! My own Isabella. She is as natural 
as life. My own Isabella. But she will never purr 
again, and eat from my hand. 

Ethel. Why look at Isabella's ears. One is black and the 
other white. 

Queen. Well, isn't it funny, it is marvelous. I suppose when 
Isabella died, that ear turned White with grief to 
think that we were to be separated. 

Ethel. Where will you keep Isabella? 

Queen. I don't know. That fiddle box is lined warm inside, 
and would be a splendid place for her. I know what 
I will do. I'll take the fiddle and hide it, and put 
Isabella in there. 



(17.) 

Ethel. Why yes, that will be lovely. Henry never touches his 
violin now, and that will be the safest place for it. 

They exchange violin and cat. 

Queen. There, Isabella is safe. Now I will prepare for our 
guests. (Exit.) 

Enter King. 

King. Jersey lightning is awful stuff. I Was treated four 
times over to the Hotel, and it couldn't have been 
worse if I'd been treated four hundred. I tried to come 
home in time to meet my guests, and fell down six 
times on the way, but when I got in a fight with the 
gate, and it threw me into a hot bed, I thought I 
would be late. I'm thirsty. Ah, here's some water. 

Raises dipper, and snake falls out and wiggles across stage. 

King. That settles it. I'm a gone goose. I have run my 
days. 

Knock is heard on door. Enter Squire. 

Squire. How-de-do. How's the King? 

King. First rate. I wonder if he knows I'm full? How are 
you? 

Squire. Oh middlin'. I have a bit of the rheumatiz. 

King. I can sympathize with you. It's rum-it-is, that's ail- 
ing me. 

Squire. So, well I have a remedy here which I manufacture 
myself. Let me give you a little. 

Draws out bottle. 

King. Are you a moonshiner? 

Squire. No, what do you mean? Let me give you some 61 
this. 



(18.) 

King. No, I don't drink— more than four bracers of Jersey 

lightning a century. 
Squire. This is not whiskey. It's medicine. You take a tea 

spoonful in a cup of water. (Goes to pail.) 

King. Don't go near that pail. It's full 

Squire. That pail aint all that's full, I guess. Do you want 

me to relieve you? 
King. I wish you could. No, my malady is fatal and beyond 

the aid of mortals. 

Enter Queen and Ethel. Greet Squire. Enter all. 
Musical programme of fifteen minutes. 

King. That music is so good that I am tempted to play a lit- 
tle myself. With your kind permission, I'll favor 
you. 

Gets violin case and begins to open. Q. and E. scared. 

Queen. Don't play, to-night, Henry. It's getting late and the 

guests wish to retire. 
King. I will play you one tune, short and sweet. It will be 

that beautiful selection called the "Mate of Tom" on 

one string. 
Queen. Henry wait until to-morrow. The guests are leaving. 
King. Well, if I must, I must. Good night friends. We 

have been royally entertained. 

Exit all but Queen. 

Queen. That was a narrow escape. I'll replace the fiddle to- 
morrow. Now I must away and get ready to make 
bread. 

Exit. Enter King and Wizard. 

King. Tommy, I have been made homesick to-night, by the 
beautiful music, or that Jersey lightning, I don't 



(19.) 

know which. T long to return to the Tsle of ( Jontenr, 
if I must, even as a subject. ! feel lost in this co m- 

try, Tommy, and Would give everything, even this 
jag, to be back there again. I tried tobegood to un- 
people, Tommy, and why they should rise against 
me is more than I can tell. 
Wizard. If a black and white cat put a tin ear on the joke — 
King. Tommy, 1 believe you are crazy. Ho, Clinton. 

Enter Clinton. 

King. Clinton, T have been telling Tommy, that I wished we 

were back to the Isle of Content. Shall we go back? 

Everything goes wrong here and things are getting 

worse every day. Clinton, shall we go back? 

Clinton. If a white cat with a tin ear, joke at a black 

King. Clinton, I believe you're drunk. There's no reason in 

either you or Tommy to-night. What is the matter? 

Don't you feel well? 

C. and W. Isn't it funny if a black ear 

King. 0, shut up! 

King. I'll play a little on my violin, and then retire for the 

night. Its soft sounds will recall the happy days 

gone by. 



Takes case and begins to open it. 



King. Its sweet music will drive all care away from me and 

I will rest in ease. Deserted by my subjects, the 

victim of misfortunes and everything going to ruin. 

I am 

Takes cat out by tail. 
King. That damned cat. 

Enter Queen followed by two pages carrying big pan of flour. 
K. throws cat at Q. Knocks her in pan and upsets pages. 

CURTAIN. 



(20.) 



ACT IV. 

Drawing Room. Two attendants in conversation. 

1st Att. So our stay indeed is short; 

No more the King will hold his Court. 

2nd Att. Fate hath brought to our poor King, 

Adversity, on speedy wing. 
1st Att. Such fears I've had, and now they're true. 

Alas, this day I'll sorely rue. 

2nd Att. Poor, King Henry, 'tis indeed; 

Misfortune's come with lightning speed: 
When sun tomorrow 'gins to roam, 
The Sheriff sells him out of home; 
A pauper then, throughout his life, 
He'll mingle in with common strife. 

1st Att. His lead I'll folio w where he'll go, 

I'll faithful be through weal and woe. 
I'll work for him while life shall last, 
And aid him 'till the grave be past. 

2nd Att. And I. But we must merry make, 

Lest this time the King's heart should break. 
A merry time we'll have this eve, 
E'er out for the cold world we leave. 

1st Att. We'll talk and dance, and laugh and sing, 
To cheer the heart of the poor King. 

2nd Att. Speaking, and all will make things hum. 

There, the summons sound. We come. (Exit.) 

Enter Squire and Ethel. 

Squire. Oh, Ethel, fairest Ethel, I wish to ask you an impor- 
tant question to-night. 

Ethel. Speak, Ezekiel. 

Squire. I have long gazed on your beauties and have wished 
to make them my own. 

Enter K. and Q. silently. Gaze. 

Ethel. Oh, Ezekiel Skinner. 

Squire. I want to ask you to be my little wife, and to share 



(21.) 

King. Hold! know you that you ask the hand of a Duchess, 
once removed. You should read Ward McAllister 
and yet a little up on court etiquette. I am the one 
to ask 

S. to K. Oh give me your hand 

King. I can't spare it Ezekiel. You may have my foot or my 

eye, but that hand is used by me for eating pie and 
I can't give it you. 

Queen. I am the one to ask for the hand of the Duchess. 

S. to 0. Oh, my beloved, give me one little kiss that I may — 

King takes Squire by ear. 

King. Ezekiel, it's a very bad principle to be flirting with an- 
other man's wife. A great deal of it is done, I know, 
but it don't go here. Get up. I will tell you to-mor- 
row whether we will be your beloved little wife, or 
simply be a sister to you. 

Ethel. Ezekiel, know this, I love you with all my heart. 

King. Yes, Ezekiel, we love you w r ith all our heart, but our 
heart is too much engaged to settle matters just now. 

Queen. We invite you to stay with us, this, our last evening 
here. 

Enter guests. Clinton acts as crier. 

Crier. The first event of the evening will be a musical selec- 
tion by ( ) 

Crier. We will now have an original poem by the King. 

A musical programme of half an hour is announced, ending 
with a grand chorus by all. 

Queen. And now friends, before you go, I wish to show you 
the dearest object to me in existence. I mean non- 
existence. Clinton, bring forth Isabella. 

Clinton brings in the cat by the tail. Cat is examined by all 
and finally passed to Squire. 



(22.) 
Squire. Isn't it funny that a black cat should have a white 



ear 



Wizard and Clinton jump up and shout; That's it! That's it! 

King. Yes, I suppose that's it. What are you talking about? 
Oh, yes, we know that's it. It's it beyond any doubt. 
What are you jabbering about? 

W. and C. We've got it. We've got it, 

King. I guess you have and got it bad. 

Both. Hurrah! Hurrah-h-h-h! 

King. They have been loading up on Jersey lightning, be- 
yond a doubt. 

Both. It's true. It's true. 

King. That's what I thought. 

Both. Splendid. Splendid. 

King. It may be splendid, but don't go near the water pail. 

Both. Our troubles are at an end. Hurrah! 

King. Wait 'till they begin to feel sick, then they'll think 
their troubles have just begun. 

Both. We've found the talisman. 

King. What, it is the first time I knew it was lost. 

Sinks in a chair. 

Both. We know where the talisman is. 

King. So do I. I have got it right here. 

Both. No, you lost it before you had it ten minutes. 

King. The deuce ! — Stop your dancing and explain. 

Clinton. Most worthy King, you see that ear is black. It be- 
longs to Isabella, the cat. The day the chariot was 
wrecked, you got the ears mixed, paid gave the Queen 
the magic talisman by mistake. The Queen had the 
talisman sewed on Isabella. You kept Isabella's ear 
for the talisman, and thus came your troubles. 

King has taken cat and cut off the talisman. Turns somer- 
sault and lies still. W. and C. raise him and K. speaks. 



(23.) 

King. Is this so, or am I dreaming? 

Wizard. It is true, your highness, every word of it. 

Bugle sounds. Enter Herald, 

Herald. A document for the King ! 

King. Read it Tommy, I am too weak. 

Wizard. Be it known that the subjects of the former King 
Henry, who ruled both wisely and well over the Isle 
of Content, being dissatisfied with the way matters 
have gone on since his departure, and missing the 
joys and benefits derived from his reign and wise 
rule, do hereby petition and humbly request, that he 
will return, and again reign over them, and his anx- 
ious subjects will ever obey him, and help him and 
his to the best of their ability. King Henry, we be- 
seech you, come at once. — THE PEOPLE. 

King bows his head and weeps. Knock. Enter Broker. 

Broker. I beg to inform you sir, that a gold mine has been 
discovered on your farm, and I, representing a syn- 
dicate, offer you $300,000 for it. Will you accept the 
offer ? 

King. It is accepted. I call that a pretty good bargain. I 
only gave $500 for it. 

Queen. I thought Isabella didn't look right the moment I 
saw her. Poor dear, I'll sew the ear on her myself. 

King. We must reward some one for this. Who shall it be? 
Who was the one to discover the mystery of the 
magic talisman? 

Voices. The Wizard. 'Twas Clinton. 

C. and W. It was the Squire. 

King. Then shall the Squire be rewarded. Take Ethel. Ezek- 
iel, and cherish her in her old agt — 

Dutchess slaps King. 



(24.) 

King. I mean a hundred years hence, when this charming 
little miss shall approach the outside boundries of 
age, and we will call a minister to-night and have 
the marriage performed,— the Lord knows she's been 
waiting for a husband long enough — and to-morrow, 
we will sail to the Isle of Content, where I will make 
you Lord High Justice of the Peace of the Justices 
of the Peace in my Kingdom. Now for a merry 
dance. 

AH dance as the curtain falls. 

THE END, 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




017 401 630 



